its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
