I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
So much rum. So many feels.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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