You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Come see our sink grown plant.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
