What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
