I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
