Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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