we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
