do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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