Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
