I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
