u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
