The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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