I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
