I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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