I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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