I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
