I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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