I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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