i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
