i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
