you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
