READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
