carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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