So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Holy sore nipples Batman
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
