Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
