Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
