And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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