So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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