Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
