just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
