i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
