you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
nutella sex= disaster
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
