I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
