You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
