remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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