she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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