Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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