my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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