Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
