Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
