3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
