Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
