i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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