would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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