dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
