Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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