Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
