trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
