I just saw a hot homeless man
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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