Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
