i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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