I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
