I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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