thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
